Sunday, December 29, 2013

Didn't go to God School

                     After awhile Infertility makes you a different person. It changes who you are as a person, a friend, a wife, and much more. There is no going back to who you once was before all this started. You desperately want to but it is a task that won't every become a real.  Guilt, Sadness, Anger, & Wonder are all emotions that are felt. Most at the same time and your not sure what to do with each of them.  Your upset at yourself because it is your body that won't get pregnant. Your sad because out of everything you want more than a world is a baby and you can't have one. Your heart breaks. Your beyond angry about the whole situation. Your mad at yourself, the world, other people who have a baby and you can't. I was even mad at God. Your full of questions and with all questions there should be answers. The problem with infertility is that most answers are not good answers.  Then all the emotions come back in a whirlwind.  
                I saw my new doctor this past week. He is beyond AMAZING. Made me feel very comfortable.  We have a game plan about what we are going this next year.  He first wants to help with my pain first and foremost. The pain is always there which makes it very difficult.  How I long to just be normal again. I am going to start at home physical therapy and then am looking into going to a physical therapy.  After years and years of trying it all starts to go to your head.  It is like I was imagining all the pain in my head. This new doctor helped me see that. He truly wants me to be better. He said he couldn't promise me a baby or that he cant fix me. But he did say he will try his best. He went to school to be a doctor but he didn't go to God school so he couldn't promise me the baby that I dream up. 











1 comment:

  1. Had no idea what you were going through. I plan on reading more later tonight. Your new doc sounds like mine and he is amazing. I have experience miscarriage but not infertility. I'm sorry.

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